So I went for the pragmatic approach. No, I didn't start going out to bars, sit by myself and order rum and cokes all night waiting for a bald 20-something CPA to sweep me off my feet. I joined a dating website. That's what technology is for, right? Networking without ever having to deal with real human moments?
Meet OkCupid, also known as "The Google of online dating." (The Boston Globe) It has all your basic ingredients: a profile with "self-summaries" 5-10 photos of your face, "match" questions that determine your compatibility with your new mate (or at least new one night stand), and a few humiliating and terrifying features called "icebreakers" and "QuickMatch," which we'll get to later. That, and it's free. Should be fantastic ... right?!
Wanting to share in my amusement/shame/humiliation/glory, I enlisted my beautiful, lovely, and single friend Miss Elle (of The Demoiselles and Broke and Beautiful fame) to share this experience with me. The results? Well .. I will let them speak for themselves.
Example 1:
My Self-Summary
Work at a University, I am recently divorced from my Bisexual wife
as we think we can be better friends and parents if we don’t live
together right now.
Example 2:
U R.O.C.K
Feb. 27, 2010 – 6:38pm
LISTEN…NO BULLSHIT(X-CUSE MY PROFANITY)…YOU ARE THE COOLEST F’N GIRL ON THIS WHOLE DAMN SITE!!!!(TAKES A SWIG OF HIS DRINK)
YOU F.U.K.N R.O.C.K…LISTEN CHECK OUT MY PROFILE,IF YA LIKE MY CORNY ASS,DROP ME A MSG…IF NOT OH WELL…AT LEAST I GOT A CHANCE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH YOU ROCK…IF I MADE YA SMILE,I SMILED….LOVE TO HEAR FROM YA ROCKSTAR….OH YOU CAN CHECK OUT SOME OF MY TRACKS ONLINE LET ME KNOW WHAT YA THINK….P.E.A.C.E. & B.E.A.T.S. CeNzO
BTW…EVEN IF WE JUST BECOME CHILLOUT FRIENDS…IT’S COOL„„NOT REALLY ON THIS SITE EXPECTING TO FIND MY SOULMATE
Example 3:
(6:25:15 pm)i*****:we'll move to virginia
(6:25:23 pm)i*****:where I'll knock you up
(6:25:29 pm)i*****:and youll force me to marry you
(6:25:34 pm)i*****:and I will, but reluctantly
(6:28:01 pm)i*****:then you'll miscarry the first kid, who we'll name Tom and raise as our own
(6:28:09 pm)i*****:then youll cheat on me with Tom
(6:29:30 pm)i*****:our first born
(6:29:32 pm)i*****:you sicko
Within the first few weeks of being on this site, I came to exactly three conclusions.
1. I am going to die alone.
2. America might just love trolling itself a little too much.
3. I really need to start a blog about this.
Yes, that's right. am willing to compromise my own dignity for your safety and entertainment. I bring you, OkCupid, Kill me. A cognizant look at the dating scene and all the lols and humiliation it entails. Please follow myself and the lovely Miss Elle in our adventures, so that way, you won't have to subject yourself to this. Or you will, but that will just make it at least a little less painful.
Three cheers for being single!
(6:25:15 pm)i*****:we'll move to virginia
(6:25:23 pm)i*****:where I'll knock you up
(6:25:29 pm)i*****:and youll force me to marry you
(6:25:34 pm)i*****:and I will, but reluctantly
(6:28:01 pm)i*****:then you'll miscarry the first kid, who we'll name Tom and raise as our own
(6:28:09 pm)i*****:then youll cheat on me with Tom
(6:29:30 pm)i*****:our first born
(6:29:32 pm)i*****:you sicko
Within the first few weeks of being on this site, I came to exactly three conclusions.
1. I am going to die alone.
2. America might just love trolling itself a little too much.
3. I really need to start a blog about this.
Yes, that's right. am willing to compromise my own dignity for your safety and entertainment. I bring you, OkCupid, Kill me. A cognizant look at the dating scene and all the lols and humiliation it entails. Please follow myself and the lovely Miss Elle in our adventures, so that way, you won't have to subject yourself to this. Or you will, but that will just make it at least a little less painful.
Three cheers for being single!
